On My Own
by eise
Summary: Sequel to A Glimpse, chapter 10 and 11 here. I probably won't finish this unless I miraculously find some inspiration.
1. Chapter 1

On My Own

Chapter 1

Sydney prepared herself for the day ahead. She got to the doctor's office that she had contacted around 8 am. She was supposed to arrive around nine, but she wanted to be ready. The time passed quickly and suddenly the big, white doors were opening and the doctor was coming to get her. She was wheeled into the operating room. All the people were running around, trying to prepare, and that was the last thing Sydney remembered as she drifted off to sleep.

She was lying in an alley when she woke up. Sydney looked around her surroundings, she was in Hong Kong. Why was she there? The last thing she remembered was Francie's clone slamming her up against the mirror in her room. How did she get here? The first thing that she did was call Kendall. He sounded strange, he told her to go to the safe house.

Kendall had only received her tape the day before. He was angry with her for not getting him the cube. They had been searching for it for a long time. He knew that reprimanding her would not work because she would remember nothing. He had to admit that she had a pretty good plan. He did not want the Covenant to get their hands on it as much as she did. It just bugged him that he would not have another addition to his collection, Project Black hole. Now she was back and had to fit back into her old life, if she wanted to. Kendall knew that she would have a difficult time accepting Vaughn's new life.

Sydney arrived at the safe house and a man lead her to a room. She had so many questions. The door slowly opened and someone walked into the room.

"Vaughn"

She jumped up and ran to him. Sydney threw her arms around him. He seemed relived to see her, but his eyes would not meet hers.

"They doubled Francie."

"I know"

"Will, is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's alright. He's in the witness protection program."

"What? Why?"

"After what the double did to him and what happened to you, it wasn't safe for him to stick around. He had to disappear."

"What do mean 'what happened to me'?"

"Sydney, sit down"

Again, Vaughn's eyes would not look into her's. He looked everywhere else except those beautiful, brown eyes. Vaughn did not know how he could do this. He did not want to have to lie to her, but he had too. She was not ready for the whole truth yet. He did not know if she ever would be. She had told him not to tell her, but she deserved to know the real reasons why.

"Vaughn" she said, interrupting his thoughts.

"Everyone thought you were dead."

Her obvious confusion showed that this was news to her. It really had worked. The memories were gone and she had no idea what he was talking about.

"They asked me to come back to explain."

"Come back?'

"I left the agency after you died. I knew that you had always wanted to be a teacher, so I decided to try it out. I teach French at the community college."

Sydney was having trouble taking all of this in. How could people have believed that she was dead? Vaughn's not with the CIA anymore. Little did she know that soon her world would be completely standing on its head.

"Do you remember that night, the night that we were going to Santa Barbra?"

Sydney nodded.

"I was on my way to pick you up when I saw fire trucks at your street. I prayed that it was not you house, but deep inside my heart, I knew it was. All that was left was the charred exterior. Will somehow survived, but you, you were not so lucky. They found remains and the DNA was a match. So Sydney Anne Bristow was dead. You were dead."

Vaughn let that sink in for a while before he continued, "Since that night, you have been missing for almost two years."

Sydney just stared at him. How could all of this be true? It felt like her fight with the double was yesterday, not two years ago.

Sydney looked so distraught. Vaughn wanted to comfort her, but he could not. He was not allowed to anymore. He placed his hand on top of hers. It was then that she felt the hard, cold bite of metal. He eyes flew down to his hand and then back to his face. How could she have overlooked this?

"Vaughn, why are you wearing that ring?"

"Sydney, you were gone for two years, that's a long time."

"So you got married."

"Yes"

As soon as the word escaped his mouth, she broke eye contact with him. What she did not know was that one word hurt him as much as it did her. A lone tear trailed down her cheek. He longed to brush it away, to touch her cheek. But he knew he would not be able to stop himself there. His Sydney Bristow was back and he wanted her.

He slowly drew his hand away from hers. Sydney's hand felt cold and numb like the ring. Vaughn got married. Her Vaughn. Her Vaughn now belonged to another woman.

"How could you do this to me?"

Then Sydney got up and ran. Vaughn started to follow her. He stopped at the safe house door because he knew that he would never catch her. So he just stood there and watched her disappear in to the distance for the second time. He knew he would not be able to take a third. Again, she took a piece of his heart with her.

To her barely visible figure, he whispered the answer to her pained question, "you told me to."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Sydney just kept running. She could barely see where she was going because of the tears trailing down her cheeks. Syd did not even bother to look and see if he was following her, it did not matter. She hoped that he was not. She could not handle another confrontation yet.

Millions of thoughts were rushing through her mind. How could he do this? How could he have moved on so quickly? Two years may seem like a long time, but if you broke it down it really was not. At that point, Sydney could not run anymore and stumbled into an alley. She leaned up against the side of a building to steady herself. She slowly slide down the wall and sat on the ground. Sydney drew her knees to her chest and began to cry. She realized that she was at her absolute lowest. She remembered that night that Vaughn had once told her that she could always call him. She could not do that anymore. She was all alone in the world with no allies.

Nowhere to go, no place to run, no one to turn to. Will was in witness protection. There was no way to contact him without putting him in danger. The double, Allison Doren, had killed Francie. Her two best friends were gone from her life forever. Vaughn was married and not even working with the CIA anymore. Her mother was somewhere on the planet, that is if she was still alive. Something was wrong with her dad, she knew it. The agency would have sent her father instead of Vaughn if they had been able to.

Sydney's life was a disaster. Everyone she knew had been affected by her job. Why didn't Kendall let her resign after she took down SD-6? Maybe then, Francie would still be alive. Will would not have to be in hiding. And it is possible that she never would have lost two years of her life and she and Vaughn would have actually made it to Santa Barbra. Maybe she would be the one he came home to, not whatever woman he married. Sydney's life would have been drastically different if she had been around for those two years.

Why couldn't she remember anything about that time? It was as if in her mind those days never existed. How is it possible to have no clue what happened to you for that long of a time? To her it was as if those two years never happened. The fight with the double seemed to be last night. Vaughn was telling her the truth. She would have been able to see right through his lies. Why can't she remember? Sydney needed answers and she was not going to get any here. She needed to get to Los Angeles. She needed the CIA's help to figure out what happened to her.

Getting to LA would be a problem. She could not just go to the airport and buy a ticket. She did not have any money or any identification with her. Plus all of her record would probably all be gone. To the world, Sydney Bristow was dead. There was only one thing that she could do. Sydney did not want to, but she had no other choice. She did not like to see him, knowing that he was not hers anymore, that he belonged to another woman. Vaughn would get her back to LA, just like the CIA wanted. She would have to endure an entire plane flight with him from Hong Kong all the way back to LA. To be so close to him and yet so far. To Sydney it seemed like just the other night it was her kissing him, not his wife. Vaughn, why did you have to get married so quickly? Why did you give up on us? What made you lose faith? Sydney had always thought that they had something connecting them, even in the beginning. It must not have been as strong as she had thought. Why couldn't he have waited just a little bit longer? What caused him to do this? Why?

Sydney took a deep breath and tried to control her tears. Once she was able to compartmentalize her emotions and focus on what was important, finding out what happened to her, she stood up. Slowly she walked out of the alley and tried to figure out where she was. She wiped away the last stray tear and took a step back into reality. Sydney put on foot in front of the other and her feet were carrying her back to the safe house, to a way home, to Vaughn, and eventually some answers.


	3. Chapter 3

âº The song is called "If That's What it Takes" by Celine Dion. It is kind of what Vaughn is thinking in the back of his mind. He will do whatever it takes to make sure that Sydney is safe.

**Chapter 3**

Vaughn stood in the doorway, staring into the hectic marketplace. Even though it was getting late, it was still full of life. Sydney's figure had gotten lost in the crowd moments ago, but he still had not moved. He had hoped that he would catch a glimpse of her and run to her, but it was just wishful thinking. Sydney was nowhere to be found. He would be surprised if she ever came back. If he had disappeared for two years and returned to find her married, he would not want to see her again.

_You're the bravest of hearts, you're the strongest of souls  
You're my light in the dark, you're the place I call home  
You can say it's all right, but I know that you're breaking up inside  
I see it in your eyes  
Even you face the night afraid and alone  
That's why I'll be there_

Why couldn't he just tell her the truth? Sure, Sydney had made him promise her not to, but he could not have her looking at him like that again. As soon as she felt his ring on her hand, she would not even look at him. When she finally did, before she ran out, her eyes were full of hurt, betrayal, and anger. Anger that was caused by him and him only. Once he had been her protector, her guardian angel, now he was the source of her pain. He had broken so many rules to protect over the short time that he had known her and in an instant, all of that was gone. He was the reason she was hurting and he could not be there to comfort her, he knew Sydney would not let him. Why hadn't he stopped her? He should have told her the truth. She deserved to know the truth about what happened to her. She should not be the only one left in the dark. It was her life. But Vaughn contemplated on whether or not he should be the one to tell her. He only knew what she had told him. He had no idea what had happened to her in the last year.

_When the storm rises up, when the shadows descend  
Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day without end  
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make  
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes  
If that's what it takes_

Did the CIA know about the real reason for his marriage? As far as he knew only he and Syd did, and now it was only him because she had successfully erased the last two years from her memory. How did she do it? Why did she remove her memory? At least she was alive and the procedure had not killed her. Sydney knew what she was coming back to and she did it anyway. She knew that he would be with another woman and she would not understand or remember the reason why. The Covenant must have done something horrible to her for her to want to return to such a twisted life. Everything was going to be different for her now. All of her friends were gone. She had no job, her apartment had burned down, and something was up with Jack. All of this was happening and he could not be there for her like he normally would. Not only would Sydney refuse to see him, but his wife would think that something was up. He could not let that happen.

_When the storm rises up, when the shadows descend  
Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day without end  
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make  
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes  
If that's what it takes  
_

God, he hated that word, wife. Why had he married her? Oh yeah, he had to play along with her little game. Why hadn't he just kept dating her? Right, Lauren had wanted more and he needed to keep her on his good side. Why couldn't Sydney have come back before he proposed? Then he and Syd could have destroyed the Covenant together, instead of being separated by his disloyal wife. Why hadn't they waited a little longer to get married? Everyone had told him to move on and they were happy for Lauren and Vaughn. They told him that Sydney would not have wanted him to be alone and she would have wanted him to be happy. If they only knew the truth. If they knew the real Lauren Reed, they would not have been pushing him to her. The only reason he stayed with Lauren was Sydney. He could tell that she was truly scared for him as she was telling him about Lauren's true affiliation. He kept going out with her because he was afraid of what the Covenant would do to Sydney if he suddenly broke off his relationship with Lauren. It would have been the end of Sydney Bristow, and this time for real.

_You can sleep in my arms, you don't have to explain  
When your heart's crying out, baby, whisper my name  
'Cause I've reached out for you when the thunder is crashing up above  
You've given me your love  
When your smile like the sun that shines through the pain  
That's why I'll be there_

Sydney was back and he could not be with her, again. It reminded him of the old days of SD-6. He could not even look at her during that time. He also had a girlfriend, Alice. I was so much easier back them. Yean, they had to be careful because SD-6 could have discovered her double agent status at anytime, but at least she could stand being in the same room with him. Now he did not even know if she could look at him. She was all alone and there was nothing that he could do about it. Some guardian angel he turned out to be.

_When the storm rises up, when the shadows descend  
Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day without end  
I will stand like a rock, I will bend till I break  
Till there's no more to give, if that's what it takes  
I will risk everything, I will fight, I will bleed  
I will lay down my life, if that's what you need  
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make  
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes  
_

He was still standing in the doorway when he came back to reality. Something in the crowd caught his attention, was it her? Was she really coming back? Yes, it was. He quickly rushed to her side.

"Syd are you okay?" he asked.

"Michael, I need to get back to LA," she responded as she recoiled from his touch.

Hearing his first name seemed so formal to him. "Vaughn" had always been special to them. Michael did not seem right. He had waited forever to her his name escape from her mouth and now it seemed wrong. She was treating him like a stranger, but he did not blame her. Sydney was putting as much distance and as many walls between them as she could.

_Through the wind and the rain, through the smoke and the fire  
When the fear rises up, when the wave's ever higher  
I will lay down my heart, my body, my soul  
I will hold on all night and never let go  
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make  
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes_

"Okay, I can have a plane ready in an hour. Go back to that room and I will get a car to take us to it," he answered.

She nodded slowly and made her way down the hall to the room. Seeing him again, the concern written on his face was too much for her. Sydney opened the door, sat on the bad and burst into tears.

_  
If that's what it takes  
Every day  
If that's what it takes  
Every day_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

After he called the car, Vaughn walked to Sydney's room to let her know that it would be arriving soon. He was about to knock on the door when he heard a faint sobbing. It felt like a knife through the heart. He was the cause of her pain, and there was nothing he could do about it. Vaughn decided to give her some more time alone and just get her when the car came. This must be so hard for Sydney. It was a lot to take in in one day. He had time to get used to the situation. Sydney had a couple hours before she would be thrown back into her life full force, a life where she was completely alone. The car arrived and he went and got Sydney. He knocked softly on the door.

"Sydney, the car is here."

At first, there was no response. Then, the door slowly opened and she walked out of the room. Her red eyes revealed that she had been crying, even though she tried to hide it from him. He led her down the hallway and helped her into the car. The ride to the plane was silent. Sydney just stared ahead, looking at nothing in particular. Her eyes were still red. She was hunched over, so broken and defeated. If he were to try to convince a stranger of who she once was, they never would believe him. That confidence, the spark, the light that she had, it was all gone. Vaughn had never seen her this low before. She was happy that day a year ago, when she broke down in the warehouse compared to this. He was deep in thought the entire time and was oblivious to the fact that the car had stopped. The driver cleared his mind when he announced their arrival. Vaughn helped Sydney out of the car and onto the plane. Once she was situated, he took a seat across the aisle from her. After a successful takeoff and Sydney looked calmer, he went and sat across from her. Her focus dropped as soon as he had done so. She refused to even look at him, let alone look him in the eye. But he had expected that.

"Sydney, I'm so sorry."

"Don't feel sorry for me. You have no idea what this is like. How could you?"

"Syd, I know a little bit about how you feel right now."

"Yeah right, you have no idea what it is like to lose all of your friends, to have no job, no home, no place to go, no one to turn to. Something is wrong with my dad because if he was fine I would be talking to him right now and you would be off with your wife."

"I know, but-"

"NO, my mom disappeared again. Who knows where she is. I don't know if she is still alive."

"My dad died when I was a kid, remember."

"Yeah, but you don't know what it is like to go for years believing that she was dead and then she comes back only to disappear again. You haven't had to lose the same parent twice."

"Syd-"

"Don't call me that. I came back to find you married to another woman. How's that for a punch in the stomach?"

"I know what it is like to lose someone to!!"

"Oh, you do?"

"Yes, Sydney, I do. I lost YOU. I fell apart as soon as I saw your apartment. Seeing the charred remains of the body that was believed to be you sickened me. Part of me died that night, right along with you. The rest of me wanted to in the many nights that followed. We had been so happy and then you were just gone."

"And you didn't waste anytime marrying the first woman you met," replied Sydney.

"Syd," Vaughn said shaking his head. _If only she knew the truth._

Vaughn stared off into the distance for a while, but he snapped back into reality. He looked right at her. He hoped that she believed him, believed that he felt sorry for her and he wished that he could change what happened. Sydney broke eye contact with him and looked out the window. She could not stand talking to him any longer. She felt like she was going to break down at any moment. She did not want to do that right now, not in front of him. She was not ready to show him any weakness.

"Please, just go away. I'm tired and I want to get some sleep."

But he did not move. So she laid down between two seats and closed her eyes. Vaughn sat there for a while, watching her sleep. He had always enjoyed this, but now he felt guilty. He was a married man and he had to keep his wife happy. He did not want to suffer the consequences if he were to fail. Vaughn did not want to lose Sydney for good. When he was positive she was asleep, Vaughn told Sydney what he had wanted to all day.

"Syd, I am so sorry that all of this happened to you. But I am so happy to have you back. I have been waiting for this day for over a year. I am sorry that you do not understand everything that is going on right now, but one day you will find out. I do not know everything, but I know some of what happened to you. My feelings for you have not changed and they never will. I hope that someday you will understand, understand that I am doing this for you. I will tell you everything that you told me that night in the warehouse eventually. I remember something you told me to do and I did, but now you hate me for it.

Even now that I am married it is you I see and not my wife because I knew. I knew that you were alive. And the day I got married it nearly killed me. I saw her acting so happy, when I was only thinking about you. It did not hurt that I knew the truth. I wished that it was you floating down the aisle towards me in a heavenly white dress, but it was not and there is nothing I can do to change that right now. I love you Sydney Anne Bristow. I love YOU. It has only been you and it always will be. I love you, I always will. Forever and a day."

Vaughn reached over to push the stray hairs away for her face. She looked so beautiful. Like an angel sent from up above. He gently kissed her and the forehead and then he stood up. He settled back into his seat across the aisle and watched her sleep for the remainder of the flight back to LA.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

He had not meant to eavesdrop, but that was difficult on such a small plane. The captain felt for both sides. The woman seemed torn apart and lost. The man appeared to be equally distraught, like he was stuck between his duty and his heart, not knowing which to choose. He wanted to follow his heart, however something was keeping him tethered where he was, something huge. He clearly loved the woman. He could tell by the sound of his voice. They seemed like nice people. He hoped that they would find their fairytale ending.

"Miss," the captain gestured towards the envelope resting on the seat.

Sydney picked it up and looked at it. It very simply said Sydney in Vaughn's handwriting. She put in her purse. She was not going to open it just yet, she was not ready. Sydney took one last glance at where he had been sitting. She grabbed all of her belongings and carefully made her way down the stairs. She got into her car and drove to the place where she could get lost in her thoughts.

"I wonder what it is like to be normal," thought Sydney.

Normal was something that she had never experienced before. That was the main reason she liked the train station. Normal people going to their normal jobs. None of these people had the hectic life of a government agent. No one had a life like her's; no one else was a spy whom everyone had believed was dead. She had no one to cling to. Her mother had disappeared yet again. He father, she had absolutely no clue about. And Vaughn, her guardian angel, her rock, had committed to another woman.

_Tell me her name  
I want to know_

_The way she looks  
And where you go  
I need to see her face  
I need to understand  
Why you and I came to an end_

She settled back into the leather cushions of the seat and pondered some more about the majority of the world. No one in the world had lived through what she had. No one had seen the ashes of people in a church that had been burned to death because of a Rambaldi device. No one had had their fiancé killed because they had told them what they did for a living. No one had to watch their friend presumably drown in Rambaldi fluid, only to come back with a deadly virus. No one had been forced to lie to everyone they cared about in order to protect them. No one else in the world had had to hunt down their own mother. There was only one person she could trust at one point. One person who had always been there for her and experienced some of these things with her. She could not even rely on him anymore. Her protector was gone.

_Tell me again  
I want to hear  
Who broke my faith in all these years  
Who lays with you at night  
When I'm here all alone  
Remembering when I was your own_

Sydney leaned her head back against the seat and stared at the ceiling. At that moment, she almost regretted surviving whatever she had been through. The last two years of her life were still a mystery to her. She hoped that she would find answers and fast.

_I'll let you go  
I'll let you fly  
Why do I keep on asking why  
I'll let you go  
Now that I found  
A way to keep somehow  
More than a broken vow_

"How could you do this to me?" she whispered. "Don't you know that I need you? You were always there for me, even during my darkest times. Now I don't know what to do without you."

_Tell me the words I never said  
Show me the tears you never shed  
Give me the touch  
That one you promised to be mine  
Or has it vanished for all time_

She just wished that she knew the reason. The reason he moved on and left her behind. The thing that killed her the most was knowing that she would have handled the situation differently. She never would have given up on Vaughn. She would have waited until the end of time for him.

_I'll let you go  
I'll let you fly  
Why do I keep on asking why  
I'll let you go  
Now that I found A way  
to keep somehow  
More than a broken vow_

"I don't know what I am going to do. I cannot do this alone. God, I need you Vaughn," she said. "If I am going to find out what happened to me I will need help. I'm never going to know now," said Syd.

_I close my eyes  
And dream of you and I  
And then I realise  
There's more to life than only bitterness and lies  
I close my eyes_

She had tears trailing down her cheeks. Sydney but her head in her hands and cried.

It was getting late now and there was barely anyone in the station anymore. They all had somewhere to go, someone to see, something to live for. An eerie silence had settled over the building. However, in the distance she could hear sirens blaring. It was probably time for her to leave. As she reached for her purse, her phone rang. She searched for her phone but pulled out the envelope instead. She carefully replaced in tint her purse. She fished her phone out of her bag and opened it up.

_I'd give away my soul  
To hold you once again  
And never let this promise end_

"Hello," she said.

_I'll let you go  
I'll let you fly  
Why do I keep on asking why  
I'll let you go  
Now that I found  
A way to keep somehow  
More than a broken vow_

_

* * *

The song is "Broken Vow" by Lara Fabian_

I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile, I have just had major writer's block and I haven't had the time to update. I have bits and pieces of chapters done, but nothing is finished. I hope you enjoy it!


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Vaughn drove in the pouring rain to the house that he shared with another woman. A woman that he did not love. The place never was or would be home to him, Sydney was the only one in the world who was capable of completing that picture. Now she hated him and did not even want to hear his voice. He did not blame her, but what else was he to do. He remembered that night as if it was yesterday. It was raining. He had been driving to pick her up when he caught a glimpse of the flashing lights. The lights that confirmed his worst fears, Sydney was gone, or so he had been lead to believe.

_Wash away the thoughts inside  
That keep my mind away from you.  
No more love and no more pride  
And thoughts are all I have to do._

That horrible night the rain never stopped. Vaughn had sat next to her "ashes" for hours. The tears were streaming down his face, mixing with the rain. Even though his vision was blurred, he could not take his eyes off of her. The invincible Sydney Bristow could not be dead. It was impossible. She had survived some many horrible things. A stupid fire would not kill her. It just couldn't. She had to be alive; he did not want to let her go. But, the DNA was a match, and that could not lie, or so he thought. His Sydney was dead and he would just have to accept that fact.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.  
Felt the ground and looked up high  
And called your name.  
Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.  
In the darkness I remain.

Nine months later, he had started to move on when he saw her. He saw Sydney sitting in a car outside his house, but before he could do anything Lauren dragged him inside. Vaughn told himself that it was just his imagination playing tricks on him. It was nearing October first. Then he got the call that changed his life. It was Sydney. They met at the warehouse and she told him everything. Everything she had said was true. He knew that when she came back that she would hate him. He had been preparing himself for her return for the last year or so. He never expected it to have such an effect on him. Vaughn hated himself because she would not even look at him. He felt guilty even though he was protecting her from worse things. At this point, he believed that Sydney would have rather not returned. If she just understood, maybe she would talk to him. Vaughn had to talk to her.

Tears of hope run down my skin.  
Tears for you that will not dry.  
They magnify the one within  
And let the outside slowly die.

Everything was so screwed up. Vaughn wished that he could have given Sydney a proper welcome home, but Lauren prevented that. He wondered how the traitor would react to Sydney. HE really had no proof that Lauren was disloyal except Sydney's word. Vaughn would have been able to tell if she was lying and he was sure that she was telling the truth. Only he had not told another soul. Jack hated him for getting married, but he had not been able to tell him either. It was too risky. Jack might have been able to understand his situation. It was similar to his with Irina Derevko. Vaughn was doing it to protect Sydney. Everything Jack ever did was to keep his daughter safe. If he had told him, Jack might have even helped him. It made no sense dwelling on the past. He had the future to deal with now.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.  
I felt the ground and looked up high  
And called your name.  
Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.  
In the water I remain

It was at that moment that he hard the other car's horn.

_Running down_

He tried to swerve out of the way, but it was of no use.

_  
Running down_

All he saw was a light . . .

_  
Running down_

And then her smiling face . . . _  
_

_Running down_

"Remember When it Rained" by Josh Groban

I have the next chapter written, so hopefully I will get it typed soon. I hope that you liked this chapter. Thanks for reading.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry, it's been a long time since I have updated. I'm just really lazy.I have had this chapter written for a while. Jack was never in NSC custody in my fic, so he can be there for Sydney. I hope you like it.

* * *

**Chapter 7**

"Sydney," said a voice on frantically on the other line.

"Dad, what's wrong?"

"Just meet me at St. Anne Hospital"

"Why? Dad, tell me."

"Not until you get here."

"Okay Dad."

There was a long pause on the other line.

"Dad?" asked Sydney.

"Sydney, get here quick."

"Okay, bye Dad."

Who could be hurt wondered Syd. In her line of work, it could be anyone. She topped ninety on the freeway and soon, but not soon enough she saw the exit. Sydney pulled into the parking lot and ran inside. She frantically looked around for her father.

"Sydney!" yelled her father.

Jack ran over to his daughter and enveloped her in a warm hug. His little girl was back. He had been waiting for this moment for over a year. Now she had to come back to this

"Welcome home. I knew you would be back."

Sydney gave her dad a funny look. What he was saying did not make sense.

"I'm so happy you're back. I love you," said jack.

"Dad, what's going on?" questioned Sydney.

"It's Vaughn. He was in a car accident."

That was when Sydney's world stopped.

All she could her was her beating heart. She wanted her guardian angel back, but not that literally. From the look on her father's face, she could tell that everything was not alright.

She collapsed into a heap onto the floor. She could not breathe. At that point, she was not capable of doing anything. She started to scream, but stopped when no sound came out. All she could do was cry. Her father tried to comfort her, but it was of no use. She just pushed him away, she only wanted Vaughn.

"Sydney, it's going to be alright. He is going to make it. Vaughn is strong. He will pull through this," said Jack.

He can't die, he can't. She didn't want him to die thinking that she hated him because she didn't. It would not be possible for her to hate him. She loved him too much. She was angry that he got married, but he thought that she was dead. She was not going to give up on him.

To have Vaughn completely gone for her life would be the worst punishment possible. At least before, he would have been there. Yes, he wasn't hers, but she would have been able to see him at work. Now, would she ever see him again? Sydney could take seeing him at work with his wife, but never seeing his green eyes full of life would slowly kill her. She would gladly do anything to trade the current situation for what had been true just a couple of hours ago. Vaughn was married, but he was alive and well and she could see him.

Sydney was still on the floor. Her face and her eyes were red from crying. Tears were still falling from her eyes. She couldn't stop them nor did she want to. She allowed her father to help her into a chair. As soon as she sat down Sydney put her head in her hands. She couldn't bear to look at anyone.

The last time Jack saw his daughter like this was when he picked her up from the Pier over a year ago. Then she had just escaped for the enemy to find Vaughn with another woman. Now, it was even worse, she had to deal with being back, Vaughn being married, the accident, and having no idea what had happened to her. He just wished that he could make all of the pain go away. He had never been an amazing father, but he had always tried to protect her.

Sydney felt someone taping her shoulder. It was Weiss. She took one look at him and started to sob. He wrapped his arms around her and tried to calm her down.

"Shhh, Sydney. Oh god, I'm so glad that you're back! You have no idea how much we all missed you."

Weiss pulled back a little bit and forced her to look into his eyes.

"He will be fine. I have known Mike for a long time. He will be okay."

"Sydney, the doctor is coming," said Jack.

They stood to hear the news about what had happened.

"Okay, Michael Vaughn is not conscious right now, but he is critical but stable. And that is good after what he had been through. His car rolled over twice and he was thrown out of the window. His right arm is broken in two places and he has a broken collarbone. When he landed somehow a piece of glass got wedged between his ribs and punctured his lung. It just narrowly missed his heart."

Sydney couldn't take all of this. She sat back into her chair. She composed herself and looked back at the doctor.

"Can I see him?" she asked.

"Are you a family member?"

Syd shook her head.

"I'm sorry, but only family members are allowed in the rooms."

"Please. Let me see him. I know that I am not a relative, but please can you make an exception?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot go against hospital policy."

"You don't seem to understand. He was my partner in the CIA for two years. For the longest time he was the only person I could trust. He was my only ally, my guardian angel. I fell in love with him and I still love him. Don't do this to me today. Not after all I have been through. I wake up to find that I disappeared for two years and that Vaughn is married to someone else. I have to see him," she said frantically.

Sydney put her head back into her hands.

"No, I can't-"

"Yes you will," interrupted Jack. "My daughter wants to see Michael Vaughn and she will. If you do not let her in right now I will make sure that you are fired and you will not be able to find work in another hospital anywhere in this state, even as a janitor."

"Don't threaten me."

"That is only the beginning of what I am capable of doing to you. I can do far worse things to you."

"You wouldn't"

Jack just stared coldly at the doctor.

"Fine, but only for ten minutes. His face is really bruised and full of tiny little cuts."

"Okay Sydney, you can go she him," said her father.

"He is in room 147. Go down the hall and make a left. He is at the end of the hall on the right," replied the doctor.

Sydney looked at her father and nodded. She got up and slowly made her was to his room

"Sydney," her dad called after her, "Lauren is in Washington D.C. this week. Something for the NSC. She won't be here for another couple of hours."

"Thanks" she whispered.

She walked down the bleak corridor and she was finally in front of his room. Sydney took a deep breath, wiped her eyes, opened the door, and walked in.


	8. Chapter 8

Sydney walked to the side of Vaughn's hospital bed and sat down. Vaughn looked so helpless. She wished that there was something that she could do for him. He had to get better, he just had to. Sydney took his hand in hers and squeezed it gently.

"Hey Vaughn. It's me, Sydney. I want you to know that I'm here for you. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. For the time being, you need to focus on getting well. Vaughn you have to pull through this. I don't know what I would do if you . . . "

She couldn't bring herself to even say the word. Vaughn was going to be fine. There was no question of that. But what if, what if?

Sydney wasn't able to hold up her calm façade anymore. Tears had been stinging her eyes for the last couple of minutes. Now they let themselves free and formed little rivers down her cheeks. She sat there crying for ages when the creak of the door startled her.

"Sydney, your time is up. The doctor wants you to go now," said her father.

"Okay Dad. Just give me a minute and I'll be right out."

She looked back at Vaughn's battered face and wiped her tears away.

"Vaughn you have to get better. You need to be strong. You have someone to live for. Stay for her, don't leave. It's not fun, believe me. Lauren will be here soon, to sit by your side, and pray for you like a good wife should. She was in D.C. for a conference, but she is on her way. I'll see you."

Her name left a metallic taste in her mouth. Sydney thought about Lauren, sitting at Vaughn's bedside when he woke up. That person had never been her. After Taipei, her father was there. She wanted a chance to be there for him.

It was time for her to go. She gave his hand one last squeeze and stood up. She opened the door and walked out of his hospital room.

"Sydney, how is he?"

"Okay I guess. I just would feel better is he was awake."

"I know. We all would. But he will be okay. You have to believe that."

"I do."

"Now Sydney, I was just curious-"

"Dad, I just need to be alone right now. Okay?"

"Yes, of course"

Sydney just got into her car and drove. She didn't even know where she was going. She just let her instincts take her where she needed to be. She pulled into a parking spot and parked her car. When she looked up, she saw the flashing lights of the Ferris wheel and realized where she was. The pier. The one place in the world where she felt completely safe.

Farewell so long cause

I was wrong I guess

Farewell so long cause

I was wrong I confess

She got out of her car and sat on one of the benches. She just stared at the water of what seemed like an eternity. This was the place where she first began to trust Michael Vaughn, now it was the place where she would let him go, say goodbye to him forever. She was going to read his letter and then rid herself of it. She would throw it in the ocean and with it all of her feelings for him. He was married now and there was nothing she could do about it. She would never be the other woman, never. She would do whatever it took to distance herself from him. If she had to leave the country, then she would. She wasn't going to mess up his life. She took the envelope and slowly opened.

I miss the way you

I miss the way you danced with me

I miss the way you

I miss the way you danced with me

_Dear Syd,_

_I know this is hard for you, but in time, I will explain everything to you. In my heart, I knew that you were alive. I just knew it. Syd, I know that this isn't easy for you to hear, but soon you will understand. I know that I shouldn't tell you. I am breaking a huge promise by even telling you this much, but I swear, I am going to tell you everything anyway. Not now, I'll call you in a couple of days and we'll sit down and talk. I need to tell you what happened, why everything is the way it is. It broke my heart that you couldn't even look at me after you felt the ring. And when you did, I could only see betrayal in your eyes. I hope that someday you can forgive me, but if you can't I'll understand. It's okay. I'll have to learn to let you go. And Sydney, remember that I love YOU and only you, never doubt that._

_Yours forever and today,_

_Vaughn_

What did the letter mean? It confused Sydney. Vaughn still loved her, but he had married another woman. It didn't make any sense. What was he talking about? He had moved on.

I miss the way you

I miss the way you sing with me

I miss the way you

I miss the way you sing with me

Sydney did not want to part with his words. Her previous plan felt stupid now. Most of all she did not want to part with his "I love you". Vaughn had never told her that before and seeing it written in Vaughn's scrawl slowly tore down the walls that she had hurriedly erected around her heart since coming back from Hong Kong. She loved him, but that didn't matter. He had a wife. She had to walk away, even though he felt the same way for her.

I never asked you for

A sailboat in the yard

Or that fancy dress to wear

Or a ceiling made of stars

And all I got was just this

Broken heart from you

Slowly Sydney crumpled up his letter and squeezed it in her right hand. She shuffled towards the railing and prepared to change her life. But she just couldn't bring herself to unclench her fist. She made several moves to throw it into the water and then to drop it, but her fingers held tight. She wasn't ready to let him go. It would take time for her to move one. She couldn't do it in just a couple of hours.

She moved her had over her purse and dropped the paper into it.

The song is Farwell by Rosie Thomas


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Sydney couldn't stand being there anymore. It hurt too much to know that she couldn't help Vaughn get any better. That was Lauren's job and Sydney could have no part in it. Even though Vaughn still had feelings for her, it didn't matter. He was married and they both would have to respect that. She just hoped that when Vaughn recovered he would forget about the letter and leave her alone. If he didn't, it would just make it harder on her.

Sydney slowly got up from the bench and made her way to her car. She had to say goodbye. She wasn't going to leave just yet, that was her last resort, but she would distance herself from him. Sydney couldn't bear giving up seeing her father, her friends, and other familiar faces around the agency just because she was afraid of running into Vaughn in LA.

She got into her car and drove back to the hospital. This time however, she did not break any laws. Getting there was bittersweet. The minutes kept on passing and she was nearing that last moment that she would truly see him. Still, his face would forever be in her memories. It was something that she would never be able to nor want to get rid of. Deep down in her heart Sydney knew that she would never had gotten married had Vaughn and her roles been reversed. She would have waited until the end of the earth or her last breath, whichever came first, for him. Now she had to leave him alone.

Sydney walked into the hospital and she saw Weiss sitting in the waiting room.

"Hey Syd. Where have you been?" he asked.

"The pier, thinking," she replied.

"Nothing has changed. He is still unconscious."

"Has Lauren arrived yet?" asked Sydney.

"No, her flight was delayed. She hasn't even left D.C."

"Oh, okay."

Sydney sat down in one of the chairs. She wanted to get this over with before Lauren got to the hospital. Sydney wanted to avoid that woman at all costs. But she also wanted to be there in case Vaughn woke up. She decided that she would wait until Lauren landed in LA and then she would say her goodbyes and leave Vaughn to her. An encounter with that would woman would break her heart. Sydney wondered if Vaughn had ever told Lauren about her.

"Weiss, tell me when Lauren lands in LA."

Sydney must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew, Weiss was taping her on the shoulder.

"Sydney, go home and get some rest. You've had a really rough day. You can't be sleeping well on these hard lobby chairs," said Weiss.

"No, I want to be here if he wakes up. Someone needs to be her," said Sydney.

"And I'm not someone?" said Weiss chuckling.

"I mean-" said Sydney.

"It's okay. Syd, I can take care of things her. Besides, Lauren's plane just took off. She will be here in a few hours. Go home. You deserve a good night's sleep before the agency takes you in for questioning."

"Weiss, I need-"

"No, Sydney go home. The agency will probably call you in tomorrow. The need to know what happened to you. I will call you if anything changes. I promise. Vaughn will be okay, but you have to be strong for him."

Reluctantly Sydney walked out of the hospital and to her car. As she was turning the key in the ignition, she realized something; she had nowhere to go, she had no home. She had been gone for two years, surely someone else would have moved into her apartment a long time ago. But still, Sydney felt an odd sensation and it was pulling her towards her old home. Even if she couldn't live there, Sydney wanted to see it one last time.

She started the car and drove down the familiar streets that lead to her apartment. Everything looked the same as it did two years ago except for a few minor changes here and there. However, as she approached her street she sensed that there had been a major change since she had last been down it that fateful night with Vaughn.

When she got to her address all she could do was stare open mouthed. Her apartment was gone. All that was there was a patch of green grass. In the corner, where her old room used to be was a cross. Sydney walked over to it. It was simple and white. It was made of marble. At the base was a sign. There was an engraving on it. Sydney bent down so she could get a closer look. She ran her fingers over the words that brought tears to her eyes. It said, "In Loving Memory of Sydney Anne Bristow".

Sydney sat and cried in front of the cross for a while. Everything was so messed up. She felt so alone. She really had no place to go.

A confused and distraught Sydney decided to go back to the hospital. Weiss saw her as she walked in the door. He saw her red eyes and knew that she had been crying.

"Hey Sydney, why aren't you at home?" he asked.

"I have no home, no place to go to," she sadly replied.

"Oh my god. I am so sorry. I forgot about the fire."

Well Weiss wasn't the only one. Sydney vaguely remembered Vaughn telling her about it in the safe house in Hong Kong. She had forgotten about it until Weiss had brought it up. Vaughn had told her that there was a fire in her apartment. It had only left the charred exterior of her house. It had burned her body beyond recognition. They had used the DNA in her teeth to identify her. It had all been a set-up, a trick, orchestrated by someone who wanted everyone she loved to believe that she was dead.

"Vaughn told me about it. I just remembered it too."

"Syd how about this – stay with me here until Lauren comes and then you can stay with me until you find a place of your own," offered Weiss.

"Okay, that sounds good," said Sydney trying to smile. It wasn't working. The only part of the plan she didn't like was waiting for Lauren.

Weiss seemed to be reading her mind because he said, "You can wait in the car while I am filling her in on what is going on."

"Okay, thanks Weiss," she said, "I know that he is not awake, but I need to talk to him. I'll be right back."

* * *

Sorry it has taken me so long to update, but I am really don't know where this story is going anymore. 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

A/N: the italics are Sydney's thoughts as she is talking to Vaughn

**These are the last chapters (10 and 11) I have written. I did not realize that I had not posted them. They are old and I have given up on this fic because I don't know where I want it to go and I just don't have much time anymore. I don't think anyone is reading this story anymore, but if you are, I just wanted to let you know what is up.**

Slowly Sydney made her way down the corridor that lead to Vaughn's room. Michael. She mentally corrected herself. She needed to distance herself from him if she was going to make it easier on herself.

Sydney opened the door and looked at his sleeping figure. He would have looked peaceful if it wasn't for all of the tubes and the bruises. Sydney closed her eyes and tried to calm herself down. This would be the last time she would truly be with him, even though he couldn't respond. She would make sure that she would never be alone with him again. It would be too hard for her to be in a room alone with him.

Sydney walked over to the side of his bed and sat down on the chair. She took his left hand in her's and squeezed it. She hoped that he could hear what she was going to tell him. Sydney didn't think that she had the strength to repeat what she had to say.

"Hey Michael. It's me, Sydney," she said, "god, I feel so stupid talking to you will you are in a coma. I just hope that you can hear me."

She whispered into his ear, "I have something that I need to tell you."

Slowly, she lifted her head to look at his face. Then, Sydney squeezed his hand again before she continued.

"I wish that I could be the one, the one who could give you love, the kind of love that you really need."

_But_ _that person will never be me, that person is your wife. Only she can love you the way you should be loved. _

"Wish I could say to you that I'll always stay with you, but baby that's not me_._"

_I have already proved that I can't always be there for you. I disappeared for two years. Who's to say that it won't happen again?_

"You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you, promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do_._"

_I am willing to give all of me to you, but our world is so messed up. I have so many enemies, there is no guarantee that I'll be alive tomorrow. Being a spy robbed me of a normal life. _

"Oh I could say that I'll be all you need, but that would be a lie."

_You need to be with your wife._

"I know I'd only hurt you."

_Anyone I have ever loved has been hurt. Danny – killed. Noah – bad guy that fell on his knife because of me. Francie – killed and then cloned. Will – forced to do heroine, tortured, stabbed, left for dead, Witness Protection._

"I know I'd only make you cry."

_I already have. I died. _

"I'm not the one you're needing."

_You need your wife Michael._

"I hope someday you can find some way to understand I'm only doing this for you."

_Everything will be easier if I just walk away now. _

"I don't really wanna go, but deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do."

_I have caused you so much pain its better if I just leave you alone. If it weren't for me you would never have gotten stuck behind that door, or developed the virus, or felt so much pain. It is all my fault. _

"You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be, who'll give you something better than the love you'll find with me."

_You have already found someone, your wife, Lauren. She will love you better than I ever can, as your wife._

"Leaving someone when you love someone is the hardest thing to do."

_I still love you so much. I'm sorry that I never got to tell you that._

"When you love someone as much as I love you."

_To me we were off to Santa Barbara yesterday. Oh god. I can't do this. My heart still belongs to you, even though I know you can't have it. _

"Oh I don't wanna leave you it tears me up inside."

_It hurts so much to walk away from you. To leave you alone with your wife. It is breaking my _

_heart. _

"But I'll never be the one you're needing."

_You need your wife._

"Baby, it's never gonna work out."

Sydney slowly got up from the chair, tears in her eyes. She gave his hand one last squeeze and started towards the door. As she reached the exit she took a deep breath and took one last look at Vaughn.

"I love you," she whispered.

Sydney closed her eyes and tried to compose herself before she walked back into the world.

Then she heard a voice utter one word, "Syd," he whispered.

Slowly she gazed at the figure lying in the hospital bed. He was awake. Sydney could feel the tears stinging her eyes. She had to get out of there now. If she stayed any longer, she didn't think that she would ever be able to leave. Also, she didn't want to break down in front of him. She closed her eyes again and tried to control her emotions. Sydney to one last look at him.

"Goodbye," she said and walked out of the door.

The speech that Sydney is giving Vaughn is I Love You, Goodbye sung by Celine Dion. It is changed in some laces to make it fit a bit better.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

**See AN for Chapter 10**

Lauren had rushed to the hospital as fast as she could from the airport. He needed to live; her assignment was far from being complete. The Covenant would not be happy if it all just turned out to be a waste of time.

Eric had told her that Vaughn was driving home from the airport. Why had he been there? He was a French teacher. There would be no need for him to go anywhere. Unless . . . no he would have told her, wouldn't he? If the CIA had called him in for a mission, he would have called her. But that seemed highly unlikely. He had been out of the CIA for months. Something is going on. There had to be a reason for him to be at the airport. A little voice nagged in the back of her mind. No, no, no it was impossible. It can't be that. It just can't. She shook her head in anger that she had even thought of such a thing. They were just too good at keeping taps on people. She pushed that evil voice back into the depths of her mind.

Lauren pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and put on her best panicked, scared wife face on. She got out of her car and ran to the ER. That is where she saw Eric sitting in a chair. She ran over to him to try and figure out what was going on.

"Eric," she yelled to get his attention.

"Lauren, he's going to be okay," he said jumping up from his chair to go comfort her.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks. "What happened?" she asked.

"He was driving home in the rain. I guess he wasn't paying attention or something. Mike would have seen the car if he was fully alert. He hit the other car head on," explained Eric.

"My god," said Lauren as she collapsed into a chair. Her left hand covered her face. Her eyes looked so terrified.

Eric placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Hey, it is going to be okay. Mike is strong. He will make it through this."

Slowly Lauren nodded. She knew that he had too her life depended on it.

"His car rolled over twice and he was thrown out of the window. His arm is broken in two places and his collarbone was broken."

Lauren looked horrified.

Eric took a deep breath and continued, "That's not all. A piece of glass somehow got wedged between his ribs and punctured his lung."

"Is . . . is he a-awake?" asked Lauren.

"Last time I checked he was still unconscious," said Eric.

Lauren tried to compose herself. "I'm going to go see him now," she said standing up.

"Okay," replied Eric. He just hoped that Syd would be out of the room before Lauren got there. Neither of them needed any form of confrontation right now.

"Oh, Eric," said Lauren, "why was Michael at the airport?"

"I think that you need to ask him that," he replied.

Vaughn's POV

Who is that? It sounds like a woman. C'mon Vaughn, wake up. I can't tell if it is Lauren. I don't think that it is. Wait . . . is that Syd's voice? Yes it is. What's she saying? Vaughn, wake up. Do something. She needs to know that you are still in here.

_I could say that I'll be all you need but that would be a lie._

Syd, you are the only person that I have ever wanted to be with. I need you. Don't want you to go anywhere. Stay here. I should be the one to go, not die, but leave town.

_This is the kindest thing to do._

Are you kidding me? You leaving me again will kill me. I won't wakeup if you walk out of my life forever. You've been through so much; you shouldn't have to leave everyone else that you

know. God, I wish that I had the chance to tell you what you told me.

_You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be, who'll give you something better than the love you'll find with me._

Sydney, there is nothing and no one better than you. I wish I would have said screw SD-6 and just kissed you in the warehouse. There is only you.

_Leaving someone when you love someone is the hardest thing to do._

Stay here then, I'll leave Lauren. She doesn't hold my heart.

_When you love someone as much as I love you._

My heart is still yours, even though this gold band on my finger states otherwise.

_Oh I don't wanna leave you it tears me up inside._

Then don't, please don't. Those nine months were pure torture. I need you in my life. I know I'm being selfish, but I know what it's like to be without you. I want to see you everyday, but I also don't want to cause you the pain of having to see me with Lauren. Everything is so screwed up.

_But I'll never be the one you're needing._

Yes, you are. I can feel your hand on mine. C'mon Vaughn, move at least one finger, then maybe she will stay a little longer. Maybe I will be able to wake myself up.

_Baby, it's never gonna work out."_

Yes, it has to in the end. I'll figure something out.

Oh no! she's getting up. Vaughn do something. Open your eyes. Shout at her. Something, anything.

Finally

There she is, my beautiful love. She's walking away. I've got to stop her. She's turning around, but she doesn't seem to notice that I am awake.

_I love you._

I love you too, so much you don't even understand.

"Syd" I can finally get out.

She looks surprised. I can see the tears forming in her eyes. I don't want her to cry. Please don't leave me. She looks like she is going to run. Syd takes one last glimpse right into my eyes.

_Goodbye._

No, and she's gone. I'm all alone now in my room.


End file.
